Finding out you have Bi-polar1

The diagnosis of bipolar was some of the best news I have heard in a long time. It completely made sense to my recent actions and rapid changes in my mood. It was only when I started to get sober while in rehab I noticed something with my moods. I would be so happy for a few days, then so depressed and just sleeping all day, which was not allowed, so I would try to have my roommate look out for me when counselors were around campus. I got caught about a week later for not socializing and just sleeping. I got caught many times after that, and it got to the point where my consular would knock on my room door and just walk in to ensure I wasn’t sleeping. Beyond annoyed, angry, and not knowing what was going on with me, I exploded on my consular, who just kept telling me, “I was an addict, that is why I had these mood changes,” I knew that was completely wrong, and that comes to be proven correct by my amazing doctor. Dr. Matt.

Dr. Matt is unlike any medical doctor today; his unconventional medical training has made him the best of the best. He has obtained an undergrad in psychology and became board-certified in medical psychology and psychopharmacology. Having him as my primary doctor is nothing short of a blessing and miracle.
It was appointment day. I was so nervous and shaking. I did not know what to expect. I really didn’t know what was going on with me mentally, but I was losing it. I wasn’t me anymore. Dr. Matt and I talked. I told him everything about my alcohol use and my traumas, and he met my mom and girlfriend. The family is significant when dealing with and recovering from a mental illness. After talking for a while, he decided to give me a personality test; this took about 90 mins and was about 300 questions long. I was skeptical about this test; what could it tell me that I hadn’t already been told. A few days later, the results were in Bipolar type 1. Shocked, Happy, and relieved, I was on the way to getting better, but not before it got worse and depression kicked in. The next few months were dark and strange, only had the energy to sleep, and sleep and sleep. Sleep seemed to be my safe place.

The first thirty days of my diagnosis, and on my new medications, an anti-anxiety, depression, and a mood stabilizer, nothing short of crazy. I was not yet in tune with my body, one manic day, I got the dumb idea to start drinking as I usually do then; all of a sudden, I wanted to go shopping since I lived five mins from a great outlet mall. This time was different. I got arrested for shoplifting and even ran from the cops, something I couldn’t even think of doing today. Waiting for these medications to become built up in my system was too long to keep me safe. I started to think being Bipolar was going to lead me to a life of crime, something I was far from us too. As time went on, the medications started to work. My mind became clearer, and my heart didn’t crave as much thrill, positive or negative, as it did before. I started to see the benefits of having bipolar, such as having endless creative energy.
To this day, I have learned and practiced listening to my body to know when I have had enough mentally and physically. To know when all I need to do is sleep, to understand when I can not handle being around other people, including my best friends and parents.

To this day, I am seen by him monthly for medical check up’s and in-depth conversations talk about my moods and overall well-being. He has put me in weekly therapy and monthly trauma therapy. The main reason why I love having Dr. Matt is that he doesn’t believe in just trying all different medication combinations, constantly switching dosages, and so on. He believes in lifestyle changes, a schedule, art therapy, and daily exercise.

For those with a mental illness, I can not stress enough how important it is to get help, in any form speak up. This is not something we can be silent about. Going to a weekly Bipolar group has also helped me greatly. It allows me to hear other people’s struggles, and learn from and support them. Take baby steps, face each challenge as it presents itself, and do not let feelings build up.

Disclaimer: No portion of this may be shared without my written permission and used as your own.