The Fine Line Between

If there is one thing I am unable to stand for it is that of non- transparency of businesses. That is why I am here to give a little more understanding of how I went from being bi-polar, to I have severe anxiety, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, and some unknown auto-immune disorder. The line between mental and physical health is a fine one, so many symptoms overlap, present themselves as something they aren’t. Even the best can get it wrong, but not so wrong that it does not make sense.  So here is the evolution of how it went from mental diagnosis, of Bi-polar, to actually being severe PTSD, which has now turned into severe physical conditions.

Bipolarbree1, started as a way for me to process my thoughts, and the desire to connect with others who might be going through, and or has gone through a similar situation as myself. As time went on, therapy sessions took place; medication checks up’s and changes were frequent but my irritability, inability to stop drinking, think before I took actions, night terrors were all still present, something is not fitting with this bipolar diagnosis, not to mention this is the beginning of when my body started to turn on me.   During my next visit, Dr. Matt and I decided we should retest me, using the CAPS-5 gold standard in post-traumatic stress disorder testing.

As I sat in the cool waiting room reading and answering each question as my life depended on it, because it did, but I did not know it at this point. So I finish up this and returned it to the psychologist whom I just had to disclose three of the traumatic events.  It was one of the hardest things to do because I believed I had cleared the trauma and was able to talk about them, but within the first few words, I was physically and mentally in a different state.  She advised, I keep seeing Dr. Quintal because I am a long way away, and it seems to her I might not be Bi-polar, but severely traumatized, but we will have to wait for the CAPS-5 test to come back.  I had scored off the charts for Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, and it was advised that I stay in weekly therapy along with Rapid Resolution Therapy.

As I cleared the troubling events, a lot of the symptoms were left at a manageable level with therapy, medical marijuana, and writing. Writing is my way of best self -understanding, and expression. There were some, that no amount of therapy could fully cure, especially if the threshold you have for trauma was started damaged, so from a medical standpoint, I was at high risk for developing fibromyalgia, So that with all the events that caused me to be traumatized added to this life-altering, extremely painful diagnosis of fibromyalgia, and there is still one mystery diagnosis on the table we are testing for, this one goes under the chronic pain condition they also gave me, because they have yet to figure out why my spine feels as it is being crushed, and the horrific spanning sound, not normal at the young age of 29. So this is now the journey of life with Anxiety, PTSD, Fibromyalgia, and a mysterious auto-immune disorder.  I will cover everything from how I manage each symptom, what it feels like,  how I am going about with research, and everything in between.  So thank you for taking your valuable time to read my journey.

 

 

Resources: https://www.ptsd.va.gov/professional/assessment/adult-int

/caps.asp

 

Disclaimer: No portion of this may be shared without my written permission and used as your own.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mood State Pyramid

There are so many days where I want to post and talk with you, but my mind is too distracted, unfocused, anxious, and or depressed.  I have been thinking, there is no reason why that should stop me from posting.  Every mood is just another part of my daily life.  As I learn more about my bipolar illness I have become familiar with the Mood State Pyramid (created by  DBSA San Diego).  This pyramid was developed to be an easy tool to track mood swings by assigning a number to a mood level.  The rating system starts at 0 -Extremely Depressed, Suicidal and goes to 10- Full Mania.  Having a general idea of how I am feeling each day helps me understand why I may get upset easier or why I wake up angry or agitated, or why on some days I can’t do anything but sleep.  My mood will control how I write, edit, and interact with you.  I am starting to be okay with each post not being consistent in writing style or attitude because depending on my mood number,  it will reflect how I am feeling that day.  So from now on, I will put a number with each post.  Mental Health is something we all need to be open and talk about, so let’s start here.

 

 

 

Disclaimer: No portion of this may be shared without my written permission and used as your own.

24 Hours with anxiety​

The unexplained fear, racy heart and sweaty palms, the three daily symptoms of my anxiety and panic disorder.

The room was filled with silence my mind so stressed out I feel like my heart is going to come right out of my body, my breathing becomes labored and shallow. An anxiety attack, the best way to ruin a good day. Some days they are so bad I can’t function, the littlest things set me off, unanswered texts, a friend who is late to my house, food taking too long to cook, and the most simple of all showering. Self-care is one of the hardest, my curly hair tied up in a messy bun, unbrushed for a few days, put up to dry from my shower the day before.
I grab myself a cup of coffee, take my medication, and let Bailey play outside. As I sit there, enjoying my medical joint of the morning, I think Not today Anxiety, Not Today! As it comes to the end, I call for Bailey, and we go about and start the day. My first house task, cleaning the kitchen, I look around and imminently feel overwhelmed, and disorganized. Disorganization is one of my biggest triggers for a panic attack, so I try and make sense of the situation as fast as I can. As the kitchen gets under control, I am able to think of the next, daunting task, the worst of them all, the process is so stressful, and timing has to be just right. This task is laundry, which can take me up to a week or 10 days, to go through the whole process. I usually just found it easier to buy new clothes. That is another story. As the day goes on I am very aware of my daily limit on what I can do, this did not happen overnight, but with great help from therapy, and self-help little progress is possible.
It is not 1 pm and I am exhausted and ready for a nap, I try to fight the sleepiness, sitting outside watching my little girl play outside, while the sun shines on my pale skin. I have had a very strong change of thought and heart about being in the sun since I was a teenager, Bronzer can do wonders! As time passes I just become more and more anxious, about what. who knows. Due to my illness, I have not to be permitted to work, so I started Bipolarbree, it is more than just a blog, but a way to interact with others suffering.  I started a twitter account and Facebook accounts for all of you.

 

FaceBook: Bipolarbree1
Twitter- @Bipolarbree1

Business Inquiries Email- Bipolarbree1@gmail.com

 

 

 

Disclaimer: No portion of this may be shared without my written permission and used as your own.

Mental Health Day’s

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I apologize for the lack of posts some weeks, it is not that I am not thinking or care about you all. It is my mental health calling and messing up my days when it was going all so great. One of the most frustrating traits of having bi-polar1. Some days I am so manic, I can not even try to put words together, let alone a thoughtful and educational post. Other days, I can’t get my mind to wake up enough to write, sleep is all my body craves and that is what I give it, along with my daily yoga. So in between these days I write, express myself and do my best to help myself and others.

The days I do post when manic, I apologize if my posts aren’t up to my own standard or aren’t always clear. My mind and raw emotions are at their finest. As I learn to handle my anxiety and bi-polar, I hope to be on a bi-weekly posting schedule. On these days I am reachable on Twitter at @bipolarbree1.

As I learn to handle my anxiety and bipolar, I hope to be on a bi-weekly posting schedule. All days I am reachable on Twitter at @bipolarbree1. Thank you for your understanding in advance.

 

 

 

Disclaimer: No portion of this may be shared without my written permission and used as your own.