One deep breath in, and let it out, and another. I can do this, I can go out with friends, and my family. I can do this. Nope, my heart starts racing, tears would start flowing and my anxiety is screaming at me, telling me all the reasons why I’m better off at home. There are too many times to count, that I have stayed home because my anxiety said it’s too scary out there, to many people, not enough control. You have control at home, and in your neighborhood so why leave.
My first experience with anxiety and leaving my home, happened about 4 years ago, every time I had to leave the house it was this big deal, my heart would start racing, and my anxiety would tell me, stay home, it’s safer and more control here. There had been times where my mom would ask me to go to the store with her, and I’d just panic and start to cry, and run to my room. During this time I or my mom had no idea what was happening, I always use to be up for a car ride, and adventures now I’m scared to leave my house.
As time went on, with the proper medication, and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), my fears have gone down, and i have discovered some reasons why. I have been in 4 major accidents and 3 of which I was driving. I lost my ability to trust myself and to be able to always keep myself safe. I worry about all the other drivers on the road, who don’t care and haven’t been through accidents and trauma.
As of today, I can leave my neighborhood 2-3 times a week, it always takes a lot of effort, but the effort is worth it, seeing my friends and family, has helped me a lot with the depression side of bipolar. This did not happen overnight, so take it day by day, and have a close friend or family member know what’s going on, and they can’t leave your while out.
Disclaimer: No portion of this may be shared without my written permission and used as your own.